Who you epp?!

I feel I’ve changed as a person. I still look like my smiley self but a few times I’ve had friends ask me what has happened to the softy me? Truth is, I don’t really know. I do think I’ve come to the stage in my life where I don’t want to be bothered bottling up feelings when stuff upsets me. I used to try and shield folks from the displeasure in my mind so I wouldn’t embarrass them.

Now? If you misyan (run your mouth all kinds of ways), you and I will do the thinking together o (Nigerian way of laying emphasis). I’ll let you know. It’s quite liberating to get to this point in life that I just don’t care as much about the fall out from being honest. My bottom line is going to bed with an uncluttered mind. I try not to be rude about it though.

Last week we had a new addition to my family (my itsy bitsy cute nephew made his way in). It was a crazy, busy week for me. I just took on a new role at work so my stress levels were HIGH! Baby girl has been flying by the seat of her pants trying to be a sharpiro (pulling cotton wool over eyes!) No one tell my boss I blog please! I have to laugh at the answers I give sometimes because I feel like I just pulled them out of a “black hat”.

On this day I’m remembering, I picked up my son at daycare and ran to buy him new sandals which were long overdue. My happy little camper had been wearing his rain boots to school long after the rains had stopped…Don’t judge me abegi! (puhlease!) I’m a working Mom! And the boots are fun anyhow. They light up with every step he takes.

Back to the matter sha (can’t figure out the English translation), I bought his new sandals and decided there wasn’t enough time to go home to change before heading to the hospital. So, I bought him a new outfit as well. Little man looked quite spiffy when we arrived at the hospital. I took him and his little cousin (new big Sis) to the family lounge to play and give new Mom some quiet time. As usual I was multitasking; watching kids and finishing up some office work.

In walks this gentleman dressed in a green suit and a cowboy hat (I was still trying to decide if the outfit worked) with two young kids. I verbally acknowledged the green suited fellow and went back to my work. My son had been sitting on the chair next to me. At this point my son gets up and bounds across the room. I noticed the seat of his pants are wet. “Young man, what happened?”, I asked. I know it wasn’t an accident because the front of his pants are dry. Before my son could even respond what happens next floors me!

The green suited fellow asks me to come help my child because he’s too old for this. Ok! That’s it! For sure I don’t like your green suit! Just to make sure I heard him correct, “Excuse me?” I ask. Now that fellow was very unwise! I swear! If he was wiser, he would have slowed his roll. I assumed every black man (if not every man) on the face of the earth knows that tone and question! Guy went on to repeat his statement and, just to make sure I understood he added some jara (cherry on the cake). Ha! He told me it didn’t look good on me as a Mom if folks see my son at his age wet. By this time I had done my investigation and realized the chair was wet before my son sat down.

Bet why na? (why did you have to go there guy?). Who you epp? (who have you really helped with this advice?) Ehn?! (Really?!). After this tired Mama ran her beloved to the store and emptied her account to spiff him up? Wrong lady! Wrong day! Wrong time!

Not even going to bother telling you what the exchange was. All I’ll say is he was extremely apologetic after our exchange and took his leave quite hurriedly. Even attempted to be very nice on his way out. Abeg, carry your wahala go! (just go away dude!)

Still can’t figure out why folks go around offering advice unsolicited. And then they look sooooooooooo surprised when it backfires! If you have one of these moments ever where you want to offer unsolicited advice, use this gauge. Ask yourself,  “babe/guy, who you epp?.

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