In the Eyes of my “Why?”

Most people believe in a higher power as I do. My higher power is God. I’ve come to a place in my life where my faith in God is so child-like often times I’m amazed at myself. I was raised in church and have served in church quite a bit over the course of my life. My faith was tempered with a “healthy” skepticism because I guess I felt kinda “sensible”. Do miracles really exist? Didn’t that happen by sheer happenstance? Or for a few minutes I would be filled with awe at the power of the amazement I just witnessed and then I would go into “but”, “but”, “but” and then the awe of the miracle I just witnessed would slowly dissipate as my “common sense” kicked in.

Funny how God put me straight and gave me a lasting miracle almost six years ago that has become my “Why?”. I am afraid I no longer have that much “common sense”. In the beautiful brown eyes of my miracle, I have found the will to live when my strength has desperately failed me. In the eyes of my “Why?”, I understand loving something outside of myself so much that I have warred against me to be in his tomorrows. I understand loving so much that I would lay down my life to give life to that one. In the depth of his eyes lays so much trust in my significance and greatness that I’ve realized that if I fail, then I don’t fail for me. I fail on behalf of the two of us. If I win, I win for both of us.

I wrote this poem for my “Why?” to remind him always. Even if tomorrow never comes….

If Tomorrow Never Comes
If tomorrow never comes, I want you to know that I love you

If I never see another sunrise, another sunset,
I want you to know that my heart beat for you

If I never again watch a butterfly perch on the bud of an anemone
I want you to know that I tried to be the best woman that I could

If I never again hear the squeal of delight from a babe as a dad tosses him high above
I want you to know that I tried to be the best for you

If I never again get to sit in the warmth of the sun to watch an ice-cream cone slowly melt away,
I want you to know that you were the one true guiding light in my life

If I never again get to bob my head to the beat of our favorite tune,
I want you to know that you have been the best joy in my life from the moment you were conceived

If I never again get to watch the clouds go by on a beautiful sunny day,
I want you to know my son that you are fearfully and wonderfully made

If I never get to tell you how much I love you over and again,
I want you to know there is no other you

If I never again get to hear the crashing sounds of a tropical rainstorm on the roofs from ages past,
I want you to know that you have the power within you to bring Kings and Queens to your table

If I never again get to behold your beautiful precious smile,
I want you to know that you are the most precious thing that God ever gifted me

© N.A., March 2017