What is a feminist? According to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s introduction in Beyoncé’s hit song; Flawless, a feminist is one who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. If I were to go strictly by this definition, then I am at my very core, a true feminist. I do find myself shying away from the term often though. Perhaps I have tried to understand too many different shades of feminism. From the “Boy Bye” group that make it seem like a lady should be ashamed when she wants to work through the hardships of a relationship, to the ones that hold up their “we don’t need men” placards that also make it seem that a woman really shouldn’t want a man because she should believe she can provide all she needs for herself, to women who know their strength and wield it but purposefully relinquish that strength based on respect for their partner, on their personal and perhaps religious and maybe cultural beliefs.
I was raised by an amazing, strong woman in the latter category I mentioned above and she’s an example of the category of feminists I most identify with. I am a deeply intelligent woman who believes I can be anything I want to be with hard work, perseverance and faith. I believe in and encourage every woman and girl child to aspire to be all she can be. President of the United States? Why not? CEO of PepsiCo Inc.? Go Girl!
I do love to be with a man and I want to be taken care of by my person as much as I would love to take care of him in the way a woman can. I am feminine inwardly and outwardly with no apologies at all. I am a Boss at work and absolutely want to be treated the same in every ramification as a male colleague who has the same title as I do. I choose not to be the Boss at home. That role is for my person. Do these things reduce my right to the feminist title? I hardly think so.
I think oftentimes strong women are misunderstood. It makes it doubly hard when you’re with a man who doesn’t understand, respect and appreciate your strength or maybe infact he does but only when it suits his purpose? He misconstrues your strength as stubbornness and your ask for the things you need to make you happy as a bid to diminish all that he is as a man.
My wish is that every man who has a strong woman would try to understand her as much as he would like to be understood. Even strong women need to be loved and affirmed by their one special person. Maybe even more so because of how strong she needs to be in other places. I wish every man who has a strong woman would understand all that she is not without him. That even when she doesn’t say it, she truly values his place in her life even though she’s clawed through life without him and cannot unbecome all that she already is for the sake of togetherness.
Oh yes! Even strong women want to be loved and affirmed. Even feminists want to be affirmed as women. Understand that about her and you have the keys to her kingdom. Be her King. She will help you build, use her physical, mental and emotional strength to further your kingdom and you never have to even for one day try to assert your dominance over her by diminishing who she is. She will willingly hand over the reigns into your able hands. Be her King. There’s so so much she needs you for but she’s a little extra. She’s a strong woman. Let her grow at every phase of her life. Support her. Be her King.
Dear Mr. Governor, please understand and celebrate the strength of your woman…
Dear Mr. Governor
Dear Mr. Governor, May I ask you to allow me be myself?
May I ask you to stop the ravaging of my soul; the very essence of who I am?
May I ask you to allow me be the girl I was;
The girl who married you hopes and dreams alive; a love so deep and pure it astonished my soul?
May I ask you to allow me be the girl gyrating and slowly stripping to Patra’s rhythm before whispering upscale obscenities and calling you into the tavern of my sugary sweetness?
May I ask you to allow me be that girl with no bitterness in her soul that she prayed for you more than she prayed for herself?
May I ask you to be that guy twirling me in the rain, brimming with peace at my joy; intensely aware of the electricity between us as the swell of my wet, firm breasts rubbed against the wetness of you?
May I ask you to remember who I am; an unconquerable fiery, gentle fire?
An ocean that runs so deep I know not the depths of my own soul?
May I ask you to allow me shed tears that wretch my soul as I seek my own offspring because you don’t understand my struggles?
May I ask you to recognize my fears as I wretch out my insides and cry my way through the lethargy of my Damascus to Mommyhood?
Dear Mr. Governor, May I ask you to celebrate my womanhood as finally a child suckles the breasts that used to give only you pleasure?
May I ask you not to undermine my right of passage by turning to lesser mortals than the goddess within my soul?
May I ask you to celebrate the newness of me as I step into an age and time where I’ve never been nor discovered before?
May I ask you to stand in applause as I blossom and tower head and shoulders above the world?
May I ask you not to try to govern my soul but allow me to run wild and free?
May I ask you to remember that I fiercely need you inspite of and because of all of my fierceness?
May I ask you to remember that there is so much I am not without you?
May I ask you to remember that you are my best adornment in my new age and time?
Dear Mr. Governor, May I finally ask you to accept my new love and simply enjoy me as I grow in wisdom and age to make you a new age conqueror; a governor of my soul?
©N.A. February 25, 2016